


A Life Can Move From the Darkness

by firnae



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Light Angst, Original Character(s), Sensuality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-29
Updated: 2015-05-29
Packaged: 2018-04-01 20:55:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4034260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firnae/pseuds/firnae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Just a kiss was not enough. She wanted to get closer, but she didn’t. She was afraid to. Fiowynn never pressed, never pushed things forward. It had been months with nothing more than stolen kisses on the battlements. But now… this feeling was new. Foreign. She had never wanted <i>anyone</i> like this before."</p>
<p>Fiowynn Lavellan wants to move forward in her relationship with Cullen, but insecurities and repressed memories get in the way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Life Can Move From the Darkness

            Exhausted, Fiowynn Lavellan wandered into the commander’s office and leaned against the wall next to the door. The light from the setting sun filtered in through the open door and illuminated the commander as he stood, talking to a recruit. Fiowynn watched the sunlight glint off his golden hair as he paced, report in hand.

            She closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the stone wall, Cullen’s voice becoming a soothing rumble. Her mind wandered through the day’s events and she could feel herself starting to drift away, until the loud sound of the door closing startled her.

            Cullen chuckled softly at her surprised expression. “So tired that you’re falling asleep standing up?”

            Fiowynn pushed herself away from the wall and moved toward the commander’s desk. “I don’t know how you do it.” She sighed. “It’s as if you never sleep. Don’t you ever stop working?”

            “Believe it or not, I can be persuaded to put work aside from time to time.”

            Fiowynn raised an eyebrow as she leaned against the desk. “Oh? And what exactly can you be persuaded to do that takes you away from such pressing matters?”

            Cullen’s cheeks blushed slightly as he turned away from the elf, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck. Fiowynn had to try hard to bite back the smile that threatened to overtake. She loved his nervous habits. It was too easy to forget that the intimidating ex-Templar commander had a softer side.

            “It’s getting late,” Cullen finally said, tugging his gloves off and placing them on the desk.

            “So it is,” Fiowynn replied.

            “Do you…that is, if you’re not busy, would you like to…”

            “Would I like to…what?” Fiowynn was not hiding her grin now. She knew she shouldn’t tease him, but she could not help herself.

            Cullen looked back over to catch her grin and sighed. “ _Maker’s breath_ , you know I’m not good at these things.”

            Fiowynn took a few steps forward and placed her hand on top of his. “Alright, then just tell me. It’s as simple as that. It doesn’t need to be poetic.” She smirked.

            Cullen smiled softly as he pushed the black fringe away from her violet eyes. “I just… want to spend time with you. Just you. No distractions.” Fiowynn could feel her heartbeat skip a little as he softly traced a finger along the side of her face and along her jaw.

            His touch made her head swim, made her feel… not herself. She tried to keep her composure as she spoke. “That—that doesn’t sound too bad.” Cullen laughed as he leaned down and gently tilted her face towards his.

            His lips softly pressed against hers for a few seconds before he pulled away. She stood with her eyes closed, heart speeding up, head swimming in thoughts, emotions—too many things to split apart and separate into tangible, coherent words.

            _Gentle_. Cullen always did things gently around Fiowynn, and she had taken notice. The way he spoke to her lacked the gruffness he saved for his troops. The way he was always placing a hand to her face and gently cupping her cheek, it was as if he wanted to touch her, to feel her, but was afraid to break her. But Fiowynn was stronger than he thought. For all her awkward advances and stumbling quips, Fiowynn was still the Inquisitor. She had gone through hell and back again and managed to stay intact. But her insecurities, her doubts, shone through when she was around Cullen. He brought out the side of her that she so adamantly tried to hide behind carefully placed smiles and witty remarks. This rawness she was developing, these feelings…

            Just a kiss was not enough. She wanted to get closer, but she didn’t. She was afraid to. Fiowynn never pressed, never pushed things forward. It had been months with nothing more than stolen kisses on the battlements. But now… this feeling was new. Foreign. She had never wanted _anyone_ like this before.

            Fiowynn slowly opened her eyes. Taking Cullen’s hand, she began to lead him over toward the ladder that led up to his loft.

            “Wh-what are you…” Cullen stuttered, slowly realizing what Fiowynn was insinuating. Fiowynn could feel the heat from her blushing. _Creators_ , her face must be bright red.

            She didn’t say anything as she let go of his hand and began to climb up the ladder. _What was she doing_? This was ridiculous.

            Fiowynn stood at the top of the ladder, hearing the creak of the rungs from Cullen’s weight. Soft moonlight filtered in through the hole in the ceiling, bathing the room in an ethereal glow.

            Cullen reached the top of the ladder and placed a hand on the elf’s shoulder. “So…” Cullen cleared his throat. “What exactly do you have planned that we needed to—” Fiowynn turned to face him. Her nerves must have been obvious enough to make Cullen pause.

            “Fiowynn,” he said softly, reaching out to cup her cheek. “We don’t have to… that is, you shouldn’t feel the need to…”

            “I know,” Fiowynn said. She reached up to press her own hand to his and turned her head slightly to kiss his palm. “I don’t want to… not just yet. But I just—I just _need_ you.”

            She threaded her fingers through the fur pauldrons encircling his shoulders and raised herself up onto her toes. Their lips met, soft and slow, the hesitation seeping through on both ends. Cullen’s hands found their way to the small of her back and pulled her in closer.

            “When you say _need_ , what is it that you mean?” Cullen asked.

            “I need _you_.”

            “You have me, but what do you _want_?”

            Fiowynn could feel her heartbeat increasing, could feel it beating wildly in her chest. What _did_ she want? How could she express something that she could not describe? She waited a beat, studying Cullen’s hazel eyes before responding.

            “This.”

            She let go of the gentleness they always embodied and placed a rather forceful kiss onto Cullen’s unsuspecting lips. He stumbled backwards a bit before steadying himself and giving in. Their kisses became harder, deeper, the hesitation being replaced by a mutual need. Cullen’s hand traveled up Fiowynn’s spine, making her shiver, and tangled itself in her dark hair.

            It wasn’t enough.

            She broke away to lift the pauldrons off his shoulders. Cullen looked at her with a quizzical expression. Fiowynn sheepishly smiled back.

            “Are you sure?” Cullen asked, breathless from such a surprisingly passionate kiss.

            Fiowynn did not reply, and gave him a quick kiss before continuing to remove his mane. Cullen helped shrug off the pauldrons and let them fall to the floor, tilting her head up toward his. He placed another kiss on her lips before traveling lightly across her jaw, his gentleness returning. Fiowynn inhaled sharply as he trailed kisses down the side of her neck. _Creators_ , the way he made her feel…

            Distracted, Fiowynn’s long fingers clumsily attempted to slide off Cullen’s gauntlets, her success noted by a _clang_ as the metal hit the floor. Cullen flinched a little in surprise, jerking himself out of the kiss. He studied Fiowynn intently for a moment.

            “Are you truly sure about this?”

            “Cullen,” Fiowynn said, smiling softly. “It’s okay. You don’t need to keep asking.”

            Cullen smiled back. “Alright.”

            His smile turned to a smirk as he slid the other gauntlet off himself. She slowly lifted her fingers under his breast plate, attempting to move it up and over his head, but found it much harder to remove than she first thought. Cullen laughed lightly and undid the straps holding the breast plate in place. He then lifted it over his head and placed it on the floor, leaving him standing before her in just a tunic and leather trousers.

            Without his armor and mane, he almost looked like an entirely different person. The commander was nowhere to be seen, and in his place stood… Cullen.

            Fiowynn let her hands travel up his arms, muscles taut from years of training. Her fingers moved around his shoulders. Down his torso. She rested her hand on his heart and could feel it beating as wildly as hers through the linen of his tunic. Cullen pulled her in once more, easily now that there weren’t layers of armor between them. Fiowynn ran her fingers through his golden hair, lips parting as he met hers with his own. Cullen’s hands moved from the small of her back and up her small frame to the top clasp on her inquisitor’s uniform.

            “May I?” Cullen said a bit breathlessly.

            Instead of answering, Fiowynn undid the top clasp herself. She looked up to see the flush on Cullen’s cheeks as he fumbled with the row of clasps on her shirt.

            “How do you even put this thing on every day?” Cullen muttered.

            Fiowynn laughed softly. “You had no trouble with your armor, which is much more complicated than mine. Let me,” she said, but Cullen playfully batted her hand away. He fumbled with the second clasp again, finally releasing it. He continued, gently undoing each clasp, letting Fiowynn’s shirt fall open once they were all separated.

            She took his hand again and led him over to the bed, bathed in ambient light. She shrugged off her shirt and let it fall into a heap of fabric on the floor, leaving her standing in her breastband. A breeze rushed through the opening in the ceiling, raising gooseflesh along her back. Fiowynn shivered.

            “Are you okay?” Cullen asked.

            “You really need to get that fixed,” she said, gesturing to the open roof.

            “I haven’t had the time.”

            “ _Really?_ ” she said, smirking.

            Cullen narrowed his eyes. “What is that supposed to mean?”

            “That just seems to be your favorite excuse. _I don’t have time for this_ ,” Fiowynn said, mockingly. Cullen merely smiled and shook his head.

            Turning her attention away from the hole in the roof, she began to run her fingers along the hem of his tunic. In one swift movement, Cullen reached up, pulling the tunic over his head, messing up his hair, and let it drop to the floor with Fiowynn’s shirt.

            Fiowynn took a hesitant step back toward the bed while soaking in the sight of him. She had never seen him out of his armor before. The moonlight did wonders, contouring the softly defined ridges along his torso. How many times had she imagined this situation before? No amount of daydreams could compare.

            Fiowynn took one step too many and tripped over her shirt, falling backwards onto the bed. Blushing in full force now, she could not help but laugh at herself. Cullen smiled and chuckled softly as the elf grabbed his hand and haphazardly pulled him on top of her.  His face was only centimeters away from her own. His weight on top of her was a terrifying new sensation, and yet a comforting one, as if they were meant to be like this.

            Together.

            Cullen brushed his lips along her jaw again, making her shiver—this time not from the cold. His mouth explored the slope of her neck, the slight curve of her small shoulders, placing kisses along her light dusting of freckles. Fiowynn closed her eyes and reveled in the sensation. She let her lithe hands run up his torso, around his defined shoulders, across his back—

            She stopped.

            Fiowynn could feel a mess of ridges sprawled across Cullen’s back—lines crisscrossing each other, skin slightly puckered in places. Cullen stopped and looked at Fiowynn, whose face was shadowed with concern.

            “Scars,” he said, voice slightly ragged.

            “From where?” Fiowynn whispered.

            Cullen remained silent.

            “Can I—can I see?”

            Cullen looked at Fiowynn for several seconds before carefully getting up and sitting on the edge of the bed. Fiowynn pushed herself up and looked at Cullen’s back, now exposed to her.

            The moonlight highlighted more than what Fiowynn had expected to see. A plethora of scars ran along the commander’s back, turned silver from the full moon. Some were small, possibly gained from battle or training, but others were larger, deeper, messier. They looked as if they had hurt a great deal.

            Fiowynn reached out and ran a hand along one of the larger scars that traveled across his spine. She felt Cullen tense up.

            “I’m sorry, I won’t—” She swallowed her words. She could feel tears pricking at the corners of her eyes, imagining what horrors he could have faced that resulted in such scars. “What happened?”

            Cullen remained still for a few seconds, before taking a deep breath.

            “Remember when I told you that I was at Ferelden’s Circle when it fell?”

            Fiowynn nodded, moving to sit directly beside him on the edge of the bed.

            “The abominations—the demons, they…” Cullen closed his eyes.

            Fiowynn took one look at Cullen’s face and her heart broke. The pain of the memories was still fresh, and no matter how much she wanted to, she could not do anything to take it away. She knew the demon had tried to break his mind and he had resisted, but it had obviously not been enough. Fiowynn reached up and placed a hand on Cullen’s face. He leaned into her touch, brow furrowing in a worried expression.

            “I’m sorry, I didn’t think… do they— _do_ they bother you?” Cullen asked.

            Fiowynn looked at him intently. “Why would they bother me?”

            “I don’t know… I…” Cullen glanced away, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “I’ve never let anyone see them. They raise too many questions and events I wish I could forget.”

            “You’re perfect,” Fiowynn whispered, and her eyes widened in surprise. She had not meant to say that out loud. Cullen turned to her and smiled softly.

            “I am far from perfect.”

            “You are to me.”

            Cullen reached up and ran the back of his hand gently across her cheekbone. “You are the one who is perfect.”

            Fiowynn looked away sharply, placing both hands down on the bed to steady herself.

            “I’m not. I’m… I don’t…” she stammered. _Creators_ , this night had been going so well and she ruined it all. They were finally moving forward in their relationship, and she ended up causing Cullen to relive such a traumatic chapter of his life. _Why did she always do this_?

            She took a deep breath and tried again.

            All her fears came rushing out in one long breath. “I’m not perfect. I don’t know what I’m doing half of the time. I’m terrified that I’ll take a wrong step and ruin everything we’ve built so far. I’m terrified that I will fail everyone. And…” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “ _I have really big ears_.”

            To her surprise, Cullen let out a bark of laughter that made her jump slightly. The look he then gave her was one of complete adoration.

            “You’re worried about the size of your ears?”

            If Fiowynn thought she couldn’t blush any more, she was wrong. “They… kind of stick out. I just don’t like how people immediately look at my ears first. It’s… I don’t know.” She buried her face in her hands and spoke softly through her fingers. “It makes me uncomfortable. That’s why I cover them with my hair.”

            This was ridiculous. _She_ was ridiculous. Cullen had real problems and she was worried about the size of her ears.

            “Fiowynn,” Cullen said. Fiowynn looked up as he took her face into his hands. He smiled at her as he brushed her dark hair away from her face, exposing her ears. They _did_ stick out a bit, and were larger than most elves’, but Cullen did not seem to care.

            Fiowynn began to laugh.

            “What is so funny?” Cullen asked softly.

            “Just look at us.” The two were half undressed and sitting on a bed under a broken roof. Cullen began to laugh as well and placed a kiss on her forehead.

            “You, my dear Inquisitor,” he began, resting his forehead on her own, “are the most wonderful, most beautiful woman I have ever met.”

            Fiowynn grinned. “Ears and all?”

            “Yes. Ears and all.”

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to peaceloveyoutubers for being an amazing beta reader and editing the crap out of this. It definitely needed it.


End file.
